Category Archives: Fiction

Worst Science Fiction Movie Ever

Over at io9 the folks are doing a March Madness bracket on the worst science fiction movies ever. I suggest you head on over to io9 and put your vote in. Some movies are so amazingly pinned together that it is hard to measure how much they sucked because the movie titles are measurements of suck themselves.

Example.

Waterworld v Batman and Robin

How do you pick between those two?  I would reason that Batman and Robin was 3 Waterworlds. Then again I could argue that Waterworld was 3 Batman and Robin. I guess there is a 1:1 ratio there so the pairing makes sense.

I picked Batman and Robin because of the Bat-nipples.

 

GO HERE AND VOTE!!!

 

 

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Pretty Much

The real reason the literary snobs turn their noses up at Science Fiction!

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I Was Kidding……

So remember my post about the all purpose zombie tool? Well somebody decided to actually make and market one.

Time to break that piggy bank open and squee with nerdy glee.

It is called the The DoubleStar Zombie-X AK-47 and it means serious business ( *insert drum rift*).

AK47 + Chainsaw =

Of course if you are a manly lumberjack that oozes masculinity this can be used to defend yourself from Gentle Ben and hippies. You know, for the kids.

 

The DoubleStar Zombie-X AK-47 is a weapon specially customized to battle zombie hordes by attaching a battery-charged chainsaw to the end of the barrel, as well as a EOTech Zombie Stopper XPS2-Z Holographic Sight which puts a biohazard symbol on your target instead of the classic red dot. DoubleStar hasn’t announced when or if this will go on sale, but its less fancy DSC Zombie Slayer predecessor sells for $1,249.99, so the Zombie-X is likely to be a bit pricier.

I particularly like the holographic sight side mounted, so you can shoot zombies with style.

Source.

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Randy Savage + Dragon = Awesome, Skyrim in Real Life, and Unicorn Poop.

Do you play Skyrim? There is a mod that takes the game’s perfect ten and ever so calmly cranks it up to 11.

Somebody took the  dragon god and replaced his scaly toothy face for Randy “Macho Man” Savage’s glorious face. Just when you thought the phrase ‘Oh yea!’ couldn’t get even more deadly.

You’re welcome.

 

Also check out Skyrim in real life.

 

 

Ever wanted to eat a cookie modeled after unicorn poop? Watch this video and check out the recipe here.

 

 

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All Purpose Zombie Tool

Like any self-respecting nerd, I have my break-in-case-of-zombie-apocalypse glass shielded axe and shotgun plus ammo cache. I mean who doesn’t? It is all the rage now a days.  You never know when your neighbor is going to show up to snack on you, so being ready for any decaying mindless killing machine prone to random fits of choreographed dance is something that any potential snackee might want.

So watch this video. A home-made all purpose zombie cleaning tool that has such high multipurpose that you can expect a swiffer version any day now.

**WARNING**

This video may contain an awesome Scandinavian pirate accent. (Probably not politically correct)

You know you wish you were this guy’s neighbor…. unless you are a zombie… that might be very stressful during neighborhood barbecues.

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Andrzej Sapkowski

I’ve been reading the second installment of Mr. Sapkowski’s english translated Witcher universe, and I must say that it is quite awesome. It is interesting to read on several fronts, but before I go into why let me explain a little about Andrzej Sapkowski.

Mr. Sapkowski is a Polish fantasy writer of some note in Europe. His books are the foundation for The Witcher games, which are very popular in their own right. His books are slowly being translated and shipped over to the new world, where I (not so)patiently wait. So far just The Last Wish and Blood of Elves are available in English. The third installment, Times of Contempt, is due out sometime in 2012.

The Last Wish is a collection of short stories revolving around a man( the main character in the universe) named Geralt of Rivia. He is in the business of killing nazis monsters, and business is booming. He is a mutant with white wavy, feathered hair rolling from town to town assassinating monsters and breaking curses. He is the local bad ass; women love him and men want to be him – kind of not really, he is fairly ostracized. At an early age Witchers undergo some upgrades that mutate them into being the million dollar man and because Geralt and by extension his brethren are so good at their jobs, monsters are disappearing at an alarming rate.

The first book rolls across seven short stories that involve the death and/or maiming of some very intriguing and unique monsters. Wrap your head around a  half spider – half crocodile, yea that just happened. There is also a Djinn, which is what Genie from Aladdin is loosely based off of, that is essentially a giant floating head. For those who don’t know, Djinn’s are evil and fiery and do horribly evil things.

The second book, Blood of Elves, picks up a little time after the events of the last book. There is a prophecy and a child, fairly standard stuff, but what separates this book above most others for me is the structure and style of the book. I don’t know if it is Sapkowski’s particular style, the translation, or the language that it was written in but the book has a unique flow to it. Some grammatical tenets that are generally avoided are used quite effectively throughout the book. I guess it goes to show that there isn’t really a hard set of rules in writing, the biggest rule is to just be effective. Which this book does in handfuls.

I won’t talk too much about the second book because it would ruin the first book for some people, but I suggest picking it up if only to dissect the differences and structure from how English story telling is done. If that doesn’t interest you then just pick one up and take it for a spin, both are damn good books to start with anyway.

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Religion In Science Fiction

Something I have run across in my vast undertaking of trying to read and conquer every Science Fiction book ever written, there appears to be a lot of mono-religions for aliens. My question is why? This also occurs in the Fantasy genre.

Perhaps if an author tells us that a world has ten religions, but only explains one, the rest is left for us to color in with our imagination?

Is it because the universe in which the story is written is so large that it is not only unnecessary  but detrimental to explore the vast religions and sects of an alien culture? Or is it the simple and easy answer, too much work.

Occam’s razor points me to the latter, which worries me.

I can understand a hive-mind like alien species having one religion, if any at all. A society where a single or total consciousness controls the thoughts and physical movements for an entire species. That makes sense to me.

What I don’t understand is how a large, intergalactic civilization that expands several planets and moons can only believe in one religion, say a golden potato. This strikes me as very odd. If evolution has tought us anything, genetic drift among the different colonies would occur over time. The alien’s bodies would evolve to adjust to the conditions on the planet or moon.

Say that takes place over a period of a few hundred years, I would almost bet that enough difference between the colonies would result in skewed political and religious views, necessity playing a large part in the equation.

We don’t even have to look very far here on Earth to see that villages a few miles apart have similar but ultimately different religious ideologies. Expand countries and continents and the difference grows.

So why would it be any different for an alien species? Am I over simplifying the unknown by applying human conditions and parameters to something incalculable?

Culture is something that does interest me. I enjoy reading about other societies and the differences in perspectives that can differ so radically from my own. Introduce a creature with different needs and biological functions than a human, we have a recipe for extreme shifts and differences from our own. The potential to explore this in a soft science fiction universe feels like trying to find where the ocean meets the sky, an endless journey.

The amazing part is after religion, we have politics and social class to explore. Perhaps I just haven’t read as widely as I would like to think I have, or is there a kernel of truth to this?

What do you think? Can you point me to any Fantasy and Science Fiction books that explore in greater detail the softer exploits or a civilization?

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Where You Can Sell Your Fantasy and Science Fiction Stories

Here is a list of some noted places to sell your fantasy and science fiction stories. The guidelines differ from each magazine but all are worthwhile and noted, safe places to sell your works. Most have had nominees and winners in the Hugo and Nebula awards, so they carry some clout. There are more than the few I have listed, but this should get any established/aspiring writer enough to go off of.

Analog – (Science Fiction Only) Founded in 1930 and having changed names a few times, this magazine has been the home to such science fiction heavy weights like Isaac Asimov, Uncle Orson Scott Card, Robert Heinlein, and many others. This is considered the longest running and continuously published magazine in the genre, now also in e-book. They are looking for stories where science is a crucial part of the plot and would fail without it. The science doesn’t necessarily have to be physical, it can be sociological as well as psychological, but the characters and their problems have to be believable.

Payment goes as follows:

Analog pays 6-8 cents per word for short stories up to 7,500 words, $450-600 for stories between 7,500 and 10,000 words, and 5-6 cents per word for longer material. We prefer lengths between 2,000 and 7,000 words for shorts, 10,000-20,000 words for novelettes, and 40,000-80,000 for serials. Fact articles are paid for at the rate of 6 cents per word.

You can find Analog’s submissions page here.

Asimov’s  Science Fiction – (Science Fiction and Borderline Fantasy (Not Swords and Sorcerers) Isaac Asimov was approached to lend his name out to a new magazine, like Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine, he agreed but refused to be an editor. He instead would write editorials and answer fan mail, you know the fun stuff. The magazine was launched in 1977 and has been steadily published works bimonthly and in e-format. Asimov’s has famous writers such as Asimov (duh), Ursula K. LeGuin, Joe Haldeman, Michael Swanwick, and many others. Here the editors are looking for character oriented stories where characters are the main focus, not science or technology, borderline fantasy is acceptable but not dragons, swords, and sorcerers. No explicit sex or violence, they want a story that captures some aspect of the human condition in the massive place we call the universe.

Payment goes as follows:

Asimov’s Science Fiction magazine is an established market for science fiction stories. We pay on acceptance, and beginners get 6.0 cents a word to 7,500 words, 5.0 cents a word for stories longer than 12,500 words, and $450 for stories between those lengths. We seldom buy stories longer than 20,000 words, and we don’t serialize novels. We pay $1 a line for poetry, which should not exceed 40 lines. We buy First English Language serial rights plus certain non-exclusive rights explained in our contract. We do not publish reprints, and we do not accept “simultaneous submissions,” (stories sent at the same time to a publication other than Asimov’s). Asimov’s will consider material submitted by any writer, previously published or not. We’ve bought some of our best stories from people who have never sold a story before.

You can find Asimov’s submissions page here.

Clarkesworld Magazine – (Science Fiction and Fantasy) This magazine started in 2006 and has regularly published ever since. It has published writers such as Peter Watts and Jeff Vandermeer. Two facets about potential stories are that they must be well-written and on-screen reader friendly (easy for kindle and the like e-readers, long paragraphs might hurt you). There isn’t really any restrictions on what one can send in. Sex, violence, gore, profanity are not frowned upon, but must be used wisely within the story in order for it to be acceptable. Excess of these elements are often poorly written and hinder a sale. However, there is a list of things deemed not acceptable.

  • stories in which a milquetoast civilian government is depicted as the sole obstacle to either catching some depraved criminal or to an uncomplicated military victory
  • stories in which the words “thou” or “thine” appear
  • talking cats
  • talking swords
  • stories where the climax is dependent on the spilling of intestines
  • stories where FTL travel is as easy as is it on television shows or movies
  • time travel too
  • stories that depend on some vestigial belief in Judeo-Christian mythology in order to be frightening (i.e., Cain and Abel are vampires, the End Times are a’ comin’, Communion wine turns to Christ’s literal blood and it’s HIV positive, Satan’s gonna getcha, etc.)
  • stories about rapist-murderer-cannibals
  • stories about young kids playing in some field and discovering ANYTHING. (a body, an alien craft, Excalibur, ANYTHING).
  • stories about the stuff we all read in Scientific American three months ago
  • stories where the Republicans, or Democrats, or Libertarians, or the Spartacist League, etc. take over the world and either save or ruin it
  • your AD&D game
  • “funny” stories that depend on, or even include, puns
  • sexy vampires, wanton werewolves, or lusty pirates
  • zombies or zombie-wannabes
  • stories originally intended for someone’s upcoming theme anthology or issue
  • stories where the protagonist is either widely despised or widely admired simply because he or she is just so smart and/or strange
  • stories that take place within an artsy-fartsy bohemia as written by an author who has clearly never experienced one
  • your trunk stories
If your story falls into any one of those in the list, Clarkesworld probably won’t pick up your story. Just be aware of that before you submit your story.
Payment goes as follows:
Word Limit: 1000-8000 words (preferred length is 4000)
Pay Rate: 10¢ per word up to 4000 words, 5¢ per word after
Genres: Science fiction and fantasy
Language: English
Rights: We claim first world electronic rights (text and audio), first print rights (author must be willing to sign 100+ chapbooks), and non-exclusive anthology rights for Realms, the yearly Clarkesworld anthology.

You can visit Clarkesworld’s submissions page here.

Fantasy and Science Fiction Magazine – (Fantasy and Science Fiction) F&SF was founded in 1949 under The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, which later shortened to Fantasy and Science Fiction, F&SF for the super efficient. This magazine publishes bimonthly and in e-book format. Notable past writers to the magazine include Robert Heinlein, Stephen King, Kurt Vonnegut and many more. They are looking for stories that appeal to the fantasy and science fiction reader base. Science fiction can be slight, but must be a felt presence in the story. In fact they do not receive enough science fiction or humor pieces, so these are in high demand.  They accept stories up to 25k words long and must follows standard manuscript guidelines.
Payment goes as follows:
Payment is 6-9 cents per word on acceptance. We buy first North American and foreign serial rights and an option on anthology rights. All other rights are retained by the author.

You can visit F&SF’s submissions page here.

Fantasy Magazine – (Fantasy Only) This online only magazine was started in 2005 at World Fantasy Convention. It published physical copies for six more issues but then switch to online only. This magazine has published stories from notable authors like Jeff Vandermeer, Peter S. Beagle, and many others. Fantasy magazine is published by Prime Books and has a sister magazine for science fiction called Lightspeed. Fantasy magazine is looking for anything fantasy. They accept stories with strong sexual themes, but not erotica. The more adult themes must be well executed and balanced within the story.
Payment goes as follows:

Stories should be fantasy only (not science fiction), and be between 1500 and 7500 words long. Stories of 5000 words or less are preferred.

Payment for original fiction is 5¢/word, on acceptance. To see which rights we’re seeking, please view our contract template for original fiction.

You can find the Fantasy Magazine’s submissions page here.

Lightspeed Magazine – (Science Fiction Only) This is the sister magazine to Fantasy Magazine, first published in 2010. It has been nominated for several awards and has the same staff as Fantasy Magazine. Lightspeed has published authors such as Stephen King, Joe Haldeman, Mike Brotherton, and many more. They accept anything science fiction and the same rules apply from Fantasy Magazine as does Lightspeed. One thing that is particularly cool about Lightspeed is this:
…No subject should be considered off-limits, and we encourage writers to take chances with their fiction and push the envelope.
Payment goes as follows:

Stories should be science fiction only (not fantasy), and be between 1500 and 7500 words long. Stories of 5000 words or less are preferred.

Payment for original fiction is 5¢/word, on acceptance. To see which rights we’re seeking, please view our contract template for original fiction.

You can find Lightspeed Magazine’s submissions page here.

Orson Scott Card’s Intergalatic Medicine Show – (Fantasy and Science Fiction) This was first started in 2005 with a quarterly publishing schedule, which later came to a bimonthly publication. The first two issues were edited by Orson himself, but later edited by Edmund R. Schubert. Notable writers that IGMS has published include Peter S. Beagle, Eric James Stone, Bud Sparhawk, and many more. IGMS tries to keep a PG-13 rating as to be accessible to all ages. That means no explicit sex and detailed gore and violence. Orson is serious about keeping a PG-13 rating. There are no restrictions to the fantasy and science fiction that IGMS will publish, as long as it falls within the PG-13 guideline.

Payment goes as follows:

We pay 6 cents a word up to 7500 words and 5 cents a word thereafter.

With this payment we buy exclusive rights in any language or any medium throughout the world for one year from date of first publication in the magazine, and nonexclusive electronic and/or online rights in any language in perpetuity. We also buy nonexclusive print and audio rights throughout the world and in all languages for inclusion in multi-author anthologies based on the magazine, for which you will receive a pro rata share of the authors’ share of advances and royalties, to be reported and paid when reports and payments are received by us from the publisher (or, if we are the publisher, every six months after one year after publication, if there are any earnings to report).

You can find IGMS’s submissions page here.

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Little Girl Joins the Dark Side

This is pretty damn adorable, priceless, and awesome. Watch for yourself.

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Two Short Stories for the Price of One

I finished editing ‘Violence Breed Violence, Repression Breeds Retaliation’ today. I was on such a high from finishing another story that I decided to start a new one, and guess what? Two hours later it is done. It doesn’t have a title yet, still working that out. It is such an awesome feeling to complete ideas ( Technically complete. Art is never finished, merely abandoned) that I feel like I could write three novels at this very moment.

Don’t be fooled though, the untitled piece is roughly 5k words, which works out fine for me because the standard limit on most published fantasy/science fiction short stories is around 5k. So now I need to go through and edit this one and boom, I have another story ready to be sent off to the powers that be. It has been a productive day. I worked and completed two stories.

All that is left to do before I send them off is let my editor go over them.

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