Tag Archives: List

Being Manly

So while I have been sick my fiancée has been ridiculing me nonstop, basically saying i’m a huge baby. Apparently I whine and ask for unreasonable things. I, of course, say other wise. I think asking for cold ice water and not to have to run a million errands while i’m sick is reasonable, but thankfully there is somebody in my life to tell me I am wrong.

The first night that my flu/strep throat/sinus infection c-c-c-c-combo breaker set in I was laying in bed coughing parts of my insides out. I was talking to her about the things going on with my body and I casually mentioned that I am worried I might be getting pneumonia, mostly due to how hard it was for me to breathe and the fact that a few people in the office are out with it. That was me being a huge baby and extreme, there was no possible way I was that sick. While I think this is all in good jest, some part of my male pride was severely offended and I started to roll over the manly things that I have done in my life.

So here is part of the list.

  • helped build a house.
  • hunted an animal, cooked it at a campfire, and brought the pelt/antlers back as evidence.
  • been shot
  • broken bones fighting
  • been electrocuted
  • mastered the art of a firm handshake
  • passed kidney stones
  • put chili on my ice cream

I have done a little research about the things that entail general manliness and have come to the conclusion there are other things I can do that will implicitly enforce my masculinity and never bring it into question next time I am sick.


1) Shave my face with something only men in the remotest regions of Russia use

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) Imitate and uphold the holy trinity of manliness; Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, and Steve McQueen

3) Get a prostate exam and never complain, cry, or twitch

4) Become a lumberjack

5) Wrestle bears like Teddy Roosevelt

 


6) Be Zakk Wylde – seriously Ozzy Osborne told this guy to tone down the drinking, think about that

7) Grow a handle bar moustache

8) Toss kegs really far

9) Put more spice on my ice cream

10) Help elderly women more

 

Runner up was being able to play a sweet drum solo. I just wanted to keep it at 10 things. Wasn’t too sure about this guy, he either is insanely manly or a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He puts on a bulletproof vest then shoots himself in the chest to see how well it works.

 

 

How about you, do you have anything manly to add to the list?

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Current Writing Projects

I’m writing down all of my writing projects. This is to show you what all I’m working on and for me to have a concrete place for me to check my projects. I might tab this and turn it into a page. I’d like one of those nifty word progress track bar, I don’t know how to get one in my blog.

Despite my recent lack of blogging and video game addiction, I have written fairly consistently. I finished a short story a few days ago. Need to edit it out some more and gonna ship my baby to be weighed, here is hoping it is a golden child. *fingers crossed*

Novels:

The Other Side of Nowhere – 117,000. In last revision.

Carousel – 12,000 +. First draft.

Fantasy Book Project – Early stages of writing and concept mapping.

The Frosty Crag – 20,000 +. First draft.

Short Stories:

Violence  Breeds Violence, Repression Breeds Retaliation – 14,000. In last revision.

The Uncanny Blossom – 11,500. Completed.

Lament of Vicksburg – 2,000. Completed.

Gatekeeper – 4,000. In last revision.

Things Left Behind – +  Early Stages.

Unsavory – + Early Stages.

Homini Homo Lupus – 9,000. Last Revision

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Goals For Saturday

I just woke up, it was amazing sleeping in. Hung out with some good company and watched The Next Iron Chef, came home about 10:30, was in bed asleep at 11. It is almost 11 in the morning and I feel awesome. So here is the list of things for me to accomplish today:

1. Early morning BM (bowel movement)

2. Deposit check and pay bills

3. Find a washer and dryer.

4.Finish my story Violence Breeds Violence, Repression Breed Retaliation.

5. ??????

6. Profit (which is counter-intuitive with paying bills.

The only thing that would improve the day is if I didn’t have to leave the house, thus negating the need for pants. The days I don’t have to wear pants are the happiest days of the week, am I right?

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NPR’s Top 100 Science Fiction and Fantasy

If you haven’t looked at list, you can find it here. This is a large-scale list that was voted on by 60k + people across 5k titles. Needless to say, it was quite the undertaking in terms of reeling in the titles. If you read in the two genres you will see many familiar titles, here is the question, and many other titles you probably aren’t familiar with or have even heard of.

Here is the top ten:

1. The Lord Of The Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
2. The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams
3. Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card
4. The Dune Chronicles by Frank Herbert
5. A Song of Ice And Fire Series by George R.R. Martin
6. 1984 by George Orwell
7. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
8. The Foundation Trilogy by Isaac Asimov
9. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
10. American Gods by Neil Gaiman

I’ve read somewhat religiously consistent for a few years between audio books at work and physical copies at home. When I was younger I read with great enthusiasm until I found alcohol and girls, where there was a gap in reading and memory until I calmed down roughly four or five years ago, so I have thrown down on some books. The list of books to read is longer than the list of books that I have read and I don’t really see that changing……..ever…….. Which is exciting and incredibly annoying at the same time.

I have read probably 60/100 titles in the NPR list throughout the course of my life. Some beloved books are beat out by works I have never heard of, like The Handmaid’s Tale. This makes me incredibly curious because I sort of pride myself on being well read in the genre, or at least did. Before the final results were released I felt I had a good idea of how the list would turn out. I was wrong and right at the same time. In the top ten, five are my favorite writers. The only book on the top ten I haven’t read/listened to is LOTR, blasphemy I know but I just can’t get into it. I have tried multiple times.

So with the giant gorilla of bias out of the way, some of the standings I agree with and others leave me a little confused. Like why wasn’t Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series isn’t on the list and just two books are, or why NPR didn’t just split the genre’s separately. I truly believe that Hyperion should be higher than what it is, but I am a Simmons fan boy so there might be some slight favoritism. Any who, I have added more books to me ‘God Damn Printer Won’t Work – Books To Read List’ because of this – *shakes fist angrily*.

The timeline of these books are spread across decades old classics to new baby smell, and given the sheer volume of literature out in the world, the people who have read all 100 books are probably a minority.

So here is my question: How many of the titles have you NOT read and/or are virtually new to your ear and eye holes?

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6 Things That Ruin Books For Me

6. Too much exposition. Nothing makes my eyes glaze over and my mind wonder about they get fortunes inside fortune cookies like a downpour of exposition. I’m all about drawing the outline of the plot, giving hints and cliff edges of the world as we venture further into the story. I can forgive some exposition, but like everybody else, there is a point in which I need to be shown and not told. When a two page summary of the buttons on the Duke of Wellington’s coat is a little numbing, especially during a big battle and a nearby officer gets shot. I’m at my wit’s end wanting to hear the conversation. Which goes a little like this:

“I dare say sir, I’ve been shot.”

“By god man, so you have.”

“How about a quick tea before you see the doctor.”

“Absolutely sir. I’m feeling a bit peckish.”

There is just something that tickles my funny bone when stereotypical British dialog is afoot.

5. Endless Introspection. Another quick way to lose me as a reader is to have seemingly endless character introspection. I prefer story driven plots in the first place, so throwing in that extra character introspection for the plot is going to make me go cross-eyed. When a simple question sparks a fifteen page soul gaze, I’ll remember which book to use when I need kindling for a fire.

“What flavor of ice cream?”

I could tell by the way he asked what flavor of ice cream I wanted that he was tortured as a child like me. I wonder if it was the same way it happened to me. That one time in Jr. High when I was asked the fated question. That one simple question about ice cream made me realize people were selfish and self-absorbed. That loss of innocence standing at the counter of Baskin Robbins and their 31 flavors of heaven when everything I believed was ripped out of my heart to make way for somebody else’s preferences.

The day when….…….BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. IT HAS NO GOD DAMN RELEVANCE TO THE STORY!

4. Dishonest Enthusiasm. What I mean by this is a lack of care and love behind a writer’s work. If you don’t care and love the story you are writing, I’ll pick up on it as a reader and I’ll become uninterested. I’m sure everybody has read a story before and a little way through it realized it was flat. I have found, typically, this is caused by a lack of ‘giving a fuck’ in the writing.

Sherry went to the marketplace. She bumped into her ex-lover. The both looked at each other in surprise.

“Hi,” Sherry said.

“Hi,” Ron said.

Then they pushed their carts away and out of their lives again.

Stories like this become toilet paper in dire situations.

3. Shitty Pacing/foreshadowing. This has two edges that both equally piss me off. The first one is something akin to the entire book being explained in the first few chapters due to bad pacing, the rest of the book being completely superfluous, and then in the end we find out things could have been prevented early on and saved us moments off our life.

Chapter 1: Something bad is starting.

Chapter 2: Stop the bad thing from continuing.

Chapter 3: Fred down the street has the power to stop the bad thing, he just hasn’t done it yet. It is very obvious that he is going to.

Chapter 4-40: Random shit that isn’t necessary.

Chapter 41: Fred simply stops the bad thing, the end.

We knew in chapter 3 what was going to happen, it should have just happened and ended the story.

2. [INSERT SOMETHING IMPORTANT]. This is when you get through the entire book, just for the end to hit you with something never mentioned or alluded to before. For all intents and purposes, it is new information that up until the end had zero relevance to anything. When it is a series, this is a little different. For stand alone books, it is almost unforgivable. We spend the entire book getting to the volcano, to stop it spewing lava on the peaceful and tranquil land, just for our heroes to be cock-blocked by seemingly randomly inserted bullshit.

“Okay guys, here we are. Finally we made it to Mt. Nazi. It was a long journey and people died, but we made it.”

“What do we do now?”

“No idea, lets blow the top and cover this bitch.”

“Whoa there John, we need the Scepter of Explosion for that.”

“The what?”

“The Scepter of Explosion, it is hidden in the Marsh of Woes.”

“Really? We passed through there and you didn’t feel the need to mention this?”

“We must time travel to reach it.” 

Time travel was never mentioned before, neither was the Scepter of Explosion. We spent the entire length of the book just for something to be randomly inserted to make the story seem more interesting. You can’t polish a turd, no matter how much you rub it, or randomly place corn in it (random plot twists).

1. Unsupported and Thinly Veiled Opinions as Facts. This can come in the form of mouth foaming fervor against politics, religion, class status, etc. When somebody makes an argument or one-sided statement that is unsupported. These are the worse for me. I hate it when people write stories as vehicles for their own biases and prejudices without justifying them or offering any structured argument. They just simply read as rants with some basic story elements as flavor.

“Republicans/Democrats are idiots. They are self-absorbed clowns that are only out for themselves. They would do anything for money, even sell their grandmother’s wheelchair. They wake up in the morning and eat puppy sandwiches and kitten milkshakes. Then they drive a car that runs on panda tears and baby seal blood to get to their work.

If you are going to make a claim, no matter how wild it is, back it up or justify it with something. If your book is a giant metaphor for something current and relevant to our society, at least put the time in to make it sensible. Actually I’m not sure which is more insulting; Thinly veiled opinions or the assumption that because somebody makes a wild accusation in a story setting, people will eat it up.

Note: There are exceptions to everything, these 6 opinions of mine aren’t any different.

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